


hey baby, I think I wanna marry you

by sassy_ninja



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Character Study, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Hopeful Ending, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Marriage Proposal, Minor Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Post-Canon, Rants, Same-Sex Marriage, a lot of homophobia, everyone is straight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:01:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24597928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassy_ninja/pseuds/sassy_ninja
Summary: Oikawa is always sad after they go to weddings and Hajime is determined to find out why and do everything he can to fix it. Turns out there's a lot of things he can't quite fix, but when they're together everything feels a little bit more alright.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 12
Kudos: 128





	hey baby, I think I wanna marry you

**Author's Note:**

> alternate title: dealing w my own issues through fic. for me at least fanfic was a way of escape, a place where homophobia doesn't have to exist, but I think also a lot of depiction of the lgbt community on here is clearly written by ppl outside of the community. so this is my attempt at putting a more genuine gay experience into fic. homophobia is not necessarily violent or obvious, it's not always a bully punching u in the face or people shouting at u in the street. in Japan gay marriage isn't legal, gay couples can't adopt, there are little to no legal protections for the lgbt community for their jobs and housing. it's not like angry mobs will attack u if ur publicly out, but homophobia can be small and everyday and it wears u down, but at the end of the day we still have hope for a brighter future. love pushes us to carry on going whether thats romantic or platonic, so finally I will say happy pride month everybody and especially to all of my lgbt+ asians out there, I'm so proud of all of us for getting this far. we exist, we matter and one day all of our voices will be heard. don't give up fighting bc one day we'll get there.

Hajime notices that Oikawa is always off after weddings. It’s been this way ever since they were twelve years old and he came back from his cousin’s wedding in his canary yellow suit and didn’t even look Hajime’s way even though he was sitting out on the steps of his house.

It’s different to his usual sulks, the ones he gets into when a new volleyball tactic just isn’t working or doesn’t do as well on a test as he wanted to (because Oikawa never actually fails). There’s no huffing, no whining, no clinging tight onto Hajime’s shoulder or sitting in his room and staring very determinedly at the ceiling and not at him because he thinks that way Hajime can’t tell he’s crying. Instead he still doesn’t look at Hajime, but in a different way where his head is facing him, but his eyes are skirting the wall behind his head rather than looking dead into his eyes like he always does. He’s still talking, still laughing, but there’s something just a little too sharp about it like he’s holding something delicate inside his chest and trying not to let anyone see.

It gets worse as the years go on and now that they’re thirty all of their friends seem to be getting married at the same time, especially now it’s spring. They actually don’t have any free weekends until the start of the rainy season in June.

It was fun the first few times, it’s nice to see a lot of his high school friends together again even though they tease him mercilessly because he’s the kind of person to tear up at weddings. It’s not his fault, Yahaba’s vows were just so beautiful and Kyoutani was bawling louder than anyone else was. At least the bride had a good sense of humour, he thinks, it must have been hard to keep a straight face with all these big burly men, all a solid foot taller than her, crying like children at her wedding.

Still, as emotional as it was it’s their fifth wedding in a row, Hajime is tired and Oikawa’s strange mood was so obvious that Matsukawa had given him one of those knowing looks as everyone was leaving. Walking home from the train station now, Oikawa has gone all quiet and his shoulders are hunched in his baby blue suit. Out of all the groomsmen he’s the only one that really managed to pull it off, Hajime thinks. He’s just a little biased though.

“Hey,” he nudges him with his shoulder and he’s so out of it that he stumbles over his own feet, “what’s wrong, Oikawa? You’re doing your moody wedding thing again.”

“I don’t have a ‘moody wedding thing’, so mean, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa whines back, but it feels more like an automated response than anything else. Hajime just stays quiet, eyes careful on his face and he just sighs, shaking his head, “it’s fine, can we talk about it when we get home?”

“Okay,” he frowns, still not looking away. He tugs one of Oikawa’s hands out of his pocket to hold and he pulls away, not looking back at him, but after a moment his hand snakes into Hajime’s almost like an apology. He squeezes it, somewhat reassured when Oikawa squeezes back.

They don’t talk instantly when they get back home, it’s more comfortable though, the way they move around each other: Oikawa shucking off his suit jacket and leaving his shoes in a mess, Hajime tidying after him and Oikawa pouring him a cup of iced tea when he’s done. They sit around the tiny kitchen table, knees knocking against each other and Hajime watches him as he waits for Oikawa to start talking.

He looks beautiful like this with his white dress shirt slightly rumpled, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, four buttons undone and fabric sticking slightly to his chest with sweat. His hair is messy as well from where he’s run his hands through it as soon as they got inside, breaking up the gel and letting it fall around his face.

He doesn’t look like Oikawa the vice-captain of the national volleyball team, captain of the Panasonic Panthers, groomsman, friendly neighbour, nationwide gay icon. He just looks like Oikawa Tooru, Hajime’s boyfriend, he just looks like Hajime’s. It makes something warm fill his chest, that no one else gets to see Oikawa like this but him.

“We can never get married,” Oikawa says quietly, eyes flicking to Hajime’s for just a second before he looks away.

“Is – Oikawa is this what this is all about?” Hajime blinks, they’d never talked about it before, he’d never really considered it really. It’s not legal and he’s always just been happy with what they had, living with Oikawa, being able to hold his hand, wake up to his morning breath and whining and kiss him until he shuts up again. Maybe he has low expectations, but he’s happy with what he has. 

“I just – all of our friends are getting married and – Iwa-chan we can never get married. You’re always going to be my boyfriend, but I don’t want you to be, I want you to be my husband. I want this to be forever,” he looks up at the ceiling, Hajime can see his hand trembling against the table.

“We are forever though. I don’t need some piece of paper to know that,” he says, pulling Oikawa’s hands towards him and pushing his cheek into his palm. Almost on instinct Oikawa strokes a thumb across his cheek. His eyes are big and wobbly like he’s going to cry and there’s a barely perceivable tremble in his fingers.

“I know, I know we’re forever, but I want everyone else to know. I want to have a big wedding and invite all of our friends and family and tell everyone just how much I love you and I want to see you cry and pretend you’re not crying and I want to see our friends cry and I want to have kids with you and watch them grow up and drop them off at school and make them pretty packed lunches and be that embarrassing loud parent at volleyball matches and retire and buy a big house in Miyagi and buy a dog and take long walks on the beach together and I just want – I want to be ordinary with you, Hajime. I want to have an ordinary life with you,” his voice cracks at the end, wiping roughly at his face with his hand, the other tense against Hajime’s cheek.

It’s – that’s a lot of things, a lot of things that they can’t ever have. He doesn’t know what to say, instead he presses his lips against Oikawa’s palm. He can feel the callouses from volleyball against his lips and he closes his eyes, imagines what it would be like to have the cold metal of a ring there too. They would look nice with a wedding ring on it, Hajime thinks, Oikawa has always had beautiful hands, a setter’s hands. A slim silver band would suit him best, nothing flashy. A chain so that Hajime can wear it in the hospital, so that Oikawa can have all his fingers free when he’s playing. It could work, he thinks. He opens his eyes.

“We could still have a wedding,” he says quietly, “we can do some of those things, even if we can’t get married, there’s that partnership licence in Osaka, it’s not quite the same but it’s something right? And you can tell everyone how much you love me, and I can pretend not to cry, and our friends can cry as well. Even if we can’t have kids – well we can still retire in Miyagi and buy a dog and take long walks on the beach even though you fucking hate doing that. And Oikawa?”

He nods, staring at Hajime with big wobbly eyes like he’s about to cry again.

“You’re always going to extraordinary. Even if you were straight, even if you had a pretty little wife and two kids and a dog and you were the perfect little son. You’re an asshole, you’re so ambitious, everything you do you need to win and you’re the sorest loser in the whole world. You literally kissed everyone every time we played the pocky game in university because you hated losing so much even when we were dating. You’re–” he breaks off for a moment, voice shaking a little when he speaks again.

“You never give up, even when everyone else has. Even when we got outed and everyone was telling you that you should that you should deny everything and break up with me for the sake of your career. Instead you pulled me out of the stands at the end of a match and you kissed me in-front of everyone. It was the stupidest, most romantic thing that only an idiot like you would do. You’re never gonna have an ordinary life, Tooru, even if you wanted to. You’re not destined for something like that, you’ve always been fated for something bigger. Even if it’s just the two of us forever, we’re going to live our stupid, extraordinary life together, okay?” he gives him the biggest watery grin he can muster, squeezing his hand tight.

Oikawa sniffles, making a little hurt sound in his throat before he practically leaps over the table, burying his head in the crook of Hajime’s neck and wailing. All he can do is cling back and just hold him, trembling together. Just the two of them, forever maybe. He breathes in the smell of Oikawa’s expensive perfume, the one that smells a little like the ocean and a little like lemons. He’s alright with that, somehow, forever doesn’t feel that lonely if he knows Tooru is going to be by his side the whole time.

“Those are terrible wedding vows,” Oikawa says a long while later, voice muffled against his skin and Hajime huffs out a laugh, much softer than usual.

“We can write good ones for the actual thing,” he promises, and Oikawa laughs too, lifting his head and kissing him. It’s awkward and their lips are wet with tears and snot and Oikawa is half hunched over him and half collapsed onto his chest, but it’s still just as good as it was when they were twenty years old and kissing for the first time in Oikawa’s shared living room with his roommate asleep on the sofa behind them. When they rewatch that James Bond movies even ten years later, Hajime can’t help but lean over and kiss Oikawa no matter what.

“This is gross,” Oikawa says when they break apart, half dazed, but he leans back in again regardless. Hajime laughs into his mouth and pushes him away so that he can stand and pull him towards the bathroom.

They need to shower, they’re still sticky with sweat from walking outside in their suits and frankly he wouldn’t mind if Oikawa was wearing far fewer clothes right now. He doesn’t even complain when Oikawa undoes his suit trousers and leaves them in a crumpled heap in the corridor, or when he turns the water on far too hot and it turns their skin pink. He doesn’t mind any of that, not when Oikawa is smiling again with his lips pressed to Hajime’s skin.

They’re lying in their bed, window open to let the cool night air into the apartment. It’s still too early in the year for cicadas so the only sound is the wind in the trees, the occasional car and Oikawa’s soft breathing. They’re both just basking in that lazy post-sex haze, not quite wanting to sleep yet and Oikawa traces a finger across Hajime’s chest idly, just to make him shiver.

“You know,” he says suddenly and Oikawa hums, glancing up at him, “that was the worst proposal ever.”

“What?” he squawks and Hajime bursts into laughter at his offended expression.

“You proposed to me, when you were rambling and crying about wanting to get married, that was the proposal and it was so terrible. For someone who likes to watch proposal compilations on youtube that was really weak, Tooru,” and he just laughs even louder when Oikawa starts slapping at his chest.

“You still said yes, you asshole,” he mutters a while later, face screwed up in exaggerated scowl and Hajime has to temper his smile to stop him from wrinkling his entire face up like a prune.

“I’d say yes if you proposed to me in a garbage dump set on fire,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to his shoulder, then where it joins his neck and finally just below his jaw until he gets to his lips, Oikawa squirming the entire time, “I wish it hadn’t been so emotional though, we’ll have to make up an alternative story to tell people so they don’t laugh at us.”

“We can make it super dramatic and romantic,” Oikawa grins again, running a hand through Hajime’s hair. It’s getting long again, he’ll have to get Oikawa to cut it for him soon, “like you were waiting for me at home with the entire bed covered in rose petals and completely naked with the ring on your dick.”

“That’s not romantic that’s stupid,” he grumbles, “what about you ask me to help you with your setting for old times’ sake and you sellotaped the ring onto the ball so that when I spiked it I would see.”

“That’s even more stupid than my idea, you’d hurt your hand if you hit it,” Oikawa frowns.

“Is that the only reason it’s stupid?” he teases and Oikawa lunges up, flipping them over so that he can straddle Hajime’s hips. He regrets ever letting him go to that self-defence class.

“Yeah I would put the ring on the nozzle of your water bottle so when you went to get a drink of water you’d see it and then you’d turn around and I’d be kneeling down,” he grins, apparently satisfied with this stupid proposal that didn’t even happen, “we do need to actually get rings though, but–”

“We can get chains, wear them around our necks when we’re at work,” he interjects and Oikawa smiles, leaning down to kiss him.

His hair is long too, long enough that it falls onto Hajime's face when he leans over him and he has to tie it up into a little bun when he plays, he likes it long, likes running his hands through it, pulling it, tucking it behind his ear.

“You know Kageyama moved to America so that he could get married to that little shrimp,” he murmurs after a while, a little distantly. Hajime flicks him lightly on the forehead when he pretends to still not to know Hinata’s name, “you know like legally. They’re both still playing volleyball together.”

“We could do that,” Hajime says slowly and he doesn’t need to hesitate, he would follow Oikawa across the world in an instant, “you’d get a place in an American team, I could learn English, get a licence to practice medicine there. It might be hard, but we can do anything when we’re together, you know?”

“Sappy Iwa-chan,” Oikawa smiles, but he shakes his head, “I like Japan too much, I could do it for a little bit maybe, a few years, but there’s an American in the Panthers and he’s so annoying. His English is so funny as well, it’s not like we learnt at school at all. He’s all like ‘break a leg’,” he tries to imitate the American twang Daniel has when he speaks and Hajime snorts, “apparently, it’s good luck, but it’s so weird. Americans are so weird, Iwa-chan.”

“Okay, no to America then,” Hajime grins, twirling a strand of Oikawa’s hair around a finger, “maybe they’ll legalise gay marriage in Japan someday, let us adopt as well.”

“We’ll be the first to do it when it happens,” Oikawa sniffs, competitive glint passing over his eyes and Hajime laughs, only Oikawa would get competitive about something like this.

“We’ll camp outside the registration office so we can be first in line like we did when the new Star Wars movies came out, even though that was super embarrassing and the tent is too small,” he promises and Oikawa kisses him in response.

“It’ll be worth it though,” Oikawa says, collapsing sideways so he’s lying back on the bed and instantly wrapping all his long limbs around Hajime like an octopus. He laughs, nodding. It will be, everything tends to be worth it to Hajime when Oikawa is involved.

“We’ll be the best dads too, our kids would be so spoilt though, can you imagine?” he grins and Oikawa laughs, pressing their foreheads together, “you’d make super intricate bentos for them every day to make all the other kids jealous and we’d go to theme parks on the weekends and you’ll cry on all the rollercoasters and it’ll be so embarrassing.”

“You’d get even more competitive than me at volleyball matches, you’d make a big banner and lead all the chants. We’ll have to move back to Miyagi though so they can go to Seijoh, obviously – maybe after a few years when I retire from the pros. I’ll become a coach, you could work in a local clinic, we’d have more time for kids,” he says, going from joking to thoughtful. Hajime smiles, pulling him even closer.

He imagines a tiny kid, a little girl with Hajime’s spikey hair and Oikawa’s sly grin, running around chasing bugs or a little boy with Oikawa’s soft brown hair and Hajime’s green eyes who has the entire collection of Godzilla dolls. He imagines Oikawa swinging them around and sticking alien plasters on their cuts and scrapes, carrying them on his shoulders even when they’re just a little bit too big for it. A future the two of them won’t ever have, but it would be nice wouldn’t it? To have kids all of their own, it would be nice even if they didn’t look like them, even if they hated bugs and Godzilla and aliens and volleyball and cried all night and snuck out of the house to go to parties. He would still love them just as much, he thinks, because they would be their kids, his kids.

“We’re still gonna have to get married first. We could have an autumn wedding, before the V.League starts again,” he whispers and Oikawa nods, sleepy and eyes closed, “we’d have to get the actual certificate in Osaka, but we could have the wedding anywhere we wanted.”

“Miyagi,” Oikawa murmurs, nuzzling his head in Hajime’s chest, “when the leaves are turning, but before they fall. We could wear kimonos, make it traditional, find a temple that’ll do it for us. Then a reception, somewhere private so no press can find us. Our friends, whatever family still talk to us.”

He huffs out another laugh when Oikawa drifts off, halfway through a list of the flowers he wants in the bouquet. He mumbles something else, something about Hercules beetles, trust him to be able to plan out their wedding when he’s already asleep. Hajime smooths out the crease between his brows with his thumb and settles down next to him.

He wonders if his parents would come if he invited them, he could send them a letter, maybe they would read it. Matsukawa had told him that he’d seen them around when he was visiting home, that they'd looked healthy and he didn’t say anything more than that. He wonders how they’ve aged in the ten years since he last saw them, if they miss their only child at all, if they miss him like he misses them, in a deep ache in his chest, so painful he thinks sometimes that his heart must have stopped. It’s a bitter empty pain, one that he resents for even existing because it shouldn’t, he shouldn’t have to miss them like this, it’s their fault he misses them like this.

He remembers the way his mother used to cut his hair for him all the way until university, the way Oikawa had stepped into the kitchen ten years ago with a new pair of hairdressing scissors without Hajime even having to ask. It still hurts, will probably always hurt, but he thinks about how easy it is to breathe with Oikawa holding his hand. He’ll take it, this aching pain for the little freedoms he gets in return. Even if he’s not really a son anymore, even if he’s not legally a husband, might never get to be a father, he’ll take each and every one of those pains if it means he can hold Oikawa just like this.

Oikawa makes a small grunting noise in his sleep and Hajime smiles, they’d be great parents, he thinks. Really. If they ever get the chance. He closes his eyes and nuzzles his face into Oikawa’s hair, still a little damp from the shower. He hopes that they’ll get the chance one day, but no matter what he prays that he’ll be able to stay with Oikawa forever, even if it has to be just the two of them until the end. He falls asleep to the steady sound of Oikawa’s breathing in sync with his own. Their chests rising and falling together like they’re one person.

**Author's Note:**

> if u haven't heard already black ppl r facing structural racism not just in America but around the world. pls follow this [link](https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co) for more info, sign petitions and donate if u can! also if u enjoyed this fic pls leave a kudo and a comment! it would rlly mean a lot to me and motivates me to carry on writing!


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